Chapter Twenty Seven: That New Candle Puppy Smell

“The keys to a door can’t open a window, idiot.” – Ancient Doubter Proverb

The amount of time you spend sleeping, eating, and lying around the house all day makes you realize you’ve lived a cat’s life on top of your other shitty one.

When holding a presentation about saving the earth, using electricity shows doubt in yourself and your cause.

A public transportation vehicle isn’t complete until it has a What To Do guidebook about Vomit.

When Edison killed the Elephant, it was Tesla who would have the last laugh, as his career and impact on the world was unlike the elephant’s capacity for memory.

If Freedom, Justice, and Salvation had a baby, it would still be just a string of letters and not a fetus that grows up to be a superhero.

A lit candle is like a new puppy, you’re worried that if you leave it alone it will make the room smell different then when it first arrived.

When referring to instructions while building a bed, the worst thing you could read is “Sold Separately”.

The Blood Of Christ get more holy the longer it’s uncorked, similar to the workings of the Confessional.

A premise for the worst game show would somehow include a panel of judges and your previous break-ups indexed by how bad the ending was. “13 contestants, 3 judges, one finalist (because finalist means no one wins).”

The worst response in any situation is always “was that it?”, followed closely by “So…was THAT it?”

If you rationalize Governmental Import/Export of Goods with the Male/Female equivalent of audio/video cables, you can see why America went with Fahrenheit.

Politics, like a kazoo, only blows when someone doesn’t want to make noise.

A gift is always a gift, if you never unwrap it. Just like a ghost is always a ghost, if you don’t enjoy rationalizing fear.

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