Technology has made things better. For example: my automatic, vibrating toothbrush. It helps me with brushing my teeth in the morning and pleasing Rachel in the evening.
A broken bone is not how you want to answer the question, “Are you turned on right now?”
Every time I’m asked my race, I always answer Pacific Islander. I hope to get deported to a vacation someday.
I’ve noticed that modern Pirates forget about the second phrase in that Robin Hood saying.
The moment you finish your Living Will and Testament, you’re just asking for a spooky haunted house murder when you least expect it.
If you shave with Occam’s Razor, you’re asking for the closest, smoothest, and easiest way to make your face to look pretty. Simple answer? Never grow a beard.
Throwing In The Towel is a metaphor that makes it seem like you’re done doing what you’re doing. What if the towel is sweaty and smelly? Needs a wash? Could use a replacement? Where’s the towel metaphor then? Thrown in wherever the towel goes, that’s where.
“If you order a hamburger with anything on the side, be ready to uncover the bun to reveal a nicely segregated request of whatever you didn’t want on the patty anyways.” – Drive-Thru Employee
If you could count how many times you’ve seen something before, you would be living a life that was empty until you were able to make a comment about something you already saw. That or you’re eighty years old.
Heterosexual is a person that likes the opposite sex, Homosexual is a person that likes the same sex, and Hetomosexual is a Japanese Game Show where a person tries to sexually assault an octopus.
If the book was better than the movie, wouldn’t that mean a lot of us would be reading more stuff because it is inherently better?