Chapter Thirty-Eight: Pulling A Rabbit Out Of A Hospital Ward

These infomercials keep asking me to forget things that I know about kitchen utensils and appliances. I just forgot how to be smart.

Keep a bunny with you at all times. Alive, of course. You never know when you might wander into a Children’s Hospital and need to cheer up some dying infants.

Those sad moments you experience in life could always use a flaccid balloon barely afloat, with the words “Get Well Soon” attached to whoever died.

I tend to always want to barter when I’m on the road. Gas stations, truckers, even on the bathroom walls of rest stops.

I feel like America is full of people who are jealous of “Wetbacks” because they have a better time going down water slides.

Science still cannot tell us if sharing is truly caring.

I like being reminded that I’m in a very happy and successful relationship. Finding her hair in my mouth is one of the lesser and more frequent ways I remember.

Christmas is Valentine’s Day on roulette for men in relationships. Do you go for the Lingerie or the book about American Feminism? Quick answer: Just Break Up.

Can I get this Bible thing in the size of a pamphlet handed to me on college campuses that I can discard as easily?

Do not compare sex to desserts. Because desserts can be burnt, taste like black carbon scoring, and act like a cunt all of the fucking time. Just like people.

“Self-worth is not a very valuable currency. That’s why I whore myself to anyone willing to pay me or listen.” – the person that got a job in their field right out of college

The Pitch is both; the passing of an idea or penis. Some accept the pitch and some don’t. The ones that don’t aren’t worth it. The ones that do, are called “Your Sex Bitch”.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s