Chapter Thirty-Nine: Short and Annoying Was My M.O.

Every time you see someone wearing a scarf, they could be autoerotique asphyxiating themselves. That’s why it’s okay to talk dirty to people wearing scarves in public.

If you add LSD to your Brownies, you’re roommates won’t eat them. If you add a sign that says you added LSD to your Brownies, you’ll get the same effect minus surprises.

Downtown Virginia Brown was an old friend of mine, though she was not from Virginia, nor was she Brown or from Downtown. She was actually called Uptown Girl and she was a song all along.

When I was a child, my Mother put bells on all of my shoes. Presumably because I really loved annoying people with loud noises.

The epilogue knew what the introduction did not. By that logic, if you think you’re going to die, you weren’t plot-heavy enough to stay in the story.

If my best ideas come to me in the shower, I could understand why politicians take up to hours a day to sit in a sauna.


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